Love does not need to hurt
Have you ever heard I'm sorry I don't do it again? Have you ever heard I didn't mean to hurt you? Have you ever been told your ugly? fat? worthless? no good for anything? or some other demeaning remark that made you feel less than a person?
And have you ever heard "I don't do it again I promise" "I'm sorry" "You made me so mad I couldn't help it." "It was your fault you know how I am."
You are not alone!
Every year there are approximately 700,000 reported cases of assault by intimates. At least 200,000 of them are serious enough to require hospitalization. Now please remember that this is only the cases that are reported. It is believed that two to four million women of all races and classes are battered each year.
This also does not include the number of women who are verbally abused. In total a conservative estimate of women suffering some form of abuse is upward to ten million or more.
Every year there are 1.2 million women that are forcibly raped by their current or former partner, some more than once. Every day 5 women die at the hands of a current or former partner. By someone that said they loved them. That is over 1,500 women a year. The number of women who have been murdered by the person who supposedly loves them, out numbers the number of soldiers killed in the Vietnam war.
Isn't that horrifying?
What is Abuse?
Domestic Abuse is defined as a systematic pattern of domination and control over an intimate partner.
Abuse can be physical
Abuse can be sexual
Abuse can be emotional
**Note--Since it is usually the man abusing the woman I have chosen to use "him" as the abuser and "her" as the one being abused. However abuse does occur from both genders. It also occurs in both male and female homosexual relationships. It is important to understand that men are often as abused as women in relationships, however are not reported as often thus giving accurate statistics is a difficult task..
Things to Remember
For the Abused to accept and come to terms with what is being done to them they must remember these things.
The abuser is responsible for their own behavior
Abuse is not always visible
Abuse only get worse over time
Types of Abuse
Locking her out of the house
Locking her in the house
Abandoning her in an unsafe place
Breaking down one's belief's
Threats to hurt the children
Threats to hurt a pet
Preventing intervention from child abuse
Destruction of property
Denying outside interests
Denying social contacts
Forced unwanted sex
Demand that partner wear provocative clothing
Forced sex with objects
Forced sex with friends
Forced sex with animals
Denial of partner's sexuality
Allowing partner no money
Forcing partner to hand over every penny
Forcing partner to account for every cent
Why do Men Abuse Women?
The simple answer to that question is because they can. Men are:
They have more opportunities to achieve economic power
Society does not want to become involved
What are the Characteristics of an abuser?
Jealousy, often imagines and accuses partner of having affairs
Isolation, tries to isolate partner from family and friends
Control, tries to have total control over the abused's life
Believes she should submit to his will and desires
Explosive temper, often flies into a rage without cause
Verbal assaults, put downs, slanderous names, etc.
Blames her, stress, alcohol, or drugs for causing the violence
Often comes from a family that experienced abuse
Denies the beatings or their severity, seems not to remember
Generally feels unsure of his masculinity
Has difficulty expressing his feelings
Can not understand how others feel, especially his partner
The kind of person that would abuse another person is any person. Any man or woman may be an abuser of another human being be it Man, Woman or child. There are no social, economic, race or age discriminations.
Please remember it only gets worse over time. I beg of you if you are in an abusive relationship remove yourself from the situation. No matter how much you think you love him, your life is not worth his love if it is harmful to you. Love can kill.