VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
January 18

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."
-1 John 4:18-

"If I had my life to live over...I'd dare to make more mistakes next time."
-Nadine Stair-


Man I was tired, I teased about taking a nap until I woke up then going to bed, and you know what that is exactly what I did.


"To play it safe is not to play."
- Robert Altman -


Is life about completing the travel and then sitting still until the time comes to go to the next horizon? What happens when nothing in life moves, it seems suspended and dead? How does one move beyond that point when there is nothing left, nothing to achieve, nothing to gain and no point in going anywhere but where your at?


Saturday, housecoat, didn't bother to brush my hair, no one to see. nuke a meal, nap, nuke a meal, in front of the puter the whole day long, no one to care


I am so tired today
I had wanted to go see the Sunshine
but I was so tired I couldn't hold my eyes open
and now tomorrow must do.


Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers and the sacrifices of his friends.
- Dwight David Eisenhower -


She was in my house not more than 24 hours after I had left. They must have laughed at my pain, my anger, and the multitude of emotions that sweep through my being.

It was planned of course, but I did not take time to rationalize this. He called and I went, I wonder why he feels the need to hurt me so, why he hates me so, and what I did wrong that he would do this to me.

If he no longer loved me, then why not ask for a divorce. Why not just say we tried and it didn't work. But he could not do that, no, he wanted to punish me for his sins I think.


Do you think it's possible to run out of tears? Someday I hope that it's possible, for I have cried so many. Even when the moisture doesn't come to the eyes, I feel them falling in my heart. Drowning my soul in them.

Do you think it's possible to live a life without pain and heartache at every corner? For there is constant pain within my heart, if it's possible for something so empty to have anything. I feel so empty, what am I failing to see?

Do you think it's possible to live a life completely void of all feeling. To where your mind and soul has turned to rock, cold and uncaring? A way of protecting oneself from the hurt that is inevitable if you allow just one in?

Is it possible?


Today I leave for a journey into my future. I shall be gone but a few days. Upon my return I shall add my thoughts for each of these days of discovery.


Give no decision till both sides thou'st heard.
- Phocylides -