VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
February 9

Who knows what true loneliness is - not the conventional word but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion.
- Joseph Conrad -

If you wished to be loved, love.
- Lucius Annaeus -Seneca -

2006

Today a Thursday
Today another day
What can I say
At least I got my pay

2005

Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone else's life.
- Kobi Yamada -

2004

I'm feeling sad tonight, think the conversation at work did it, it made me realize that in all this world there is no one for me. I wonder why God sometimes allows us to walk our path alone, I think that in a world of twos being one is not the plan is not the way it's supposed to be, but yet myself like many do so every day with no hope of ever changing that.

2003

all left because they loved me, did they did they, what is wrong with loving me? am I so bad that I do not deserve to be loved? do I not feel with what they have felt with, do I love to deeply , not deeply enough, do I push them away, do I hide from fear of the hurt that will always come. They never said good bye they just shut the door. they all have laughed they have all found their happiness, but yet I am standing alone, watching, like standing in a glass cube watching but never feeling, always alone and isolated. teased by their happiness and joy.

They say sound is the vibrations is the ear drums, so if no one is in the woods to hear a tree fall does it still make sound? If no one is here to hear me crying does it make any sound?

My thought to ponder today.

2002

I get to see my bug today, this is a good thing, but sometimes it makes me sad to, especially when I have to leave, and I don't feel as though what we once had is any longer there, I am now more a friend than someone he loves, but I guess I have always known that would be the way it would be, for there are to many circumstances that will not allow our love in the romantic sense to live

2001

I went shopping today, to buy a sofa, it's funny in all the years I was married I never had a new sofa and now I have one. and in all my life I don't have to worry about anyone destroying it. It's a weird feeling.

2000

Oh God where am I going to end up.

1999

there was laughter in my heart
then his words cut
bringing the tears
I fought so hard to shed
From one moment alone I found peace
the next it was shattered
with listings of my failings
short comings and imperfections
from high I fell to the lowest of being
There was no understanding
no comprehension
that I would never be more than I am
imperfect, and tarnished

1998

Have you ever had one of those days where your so far behind you know you'll never catch up. That seems to be my motto of late.

I work and toil
striving to gain
I slip and slide
losing ground
I continue, hoping
Gaining

1997

The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it.
- P. B. Medawar -