VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
March 3

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence."
- Jeremiah 17:7 -

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."
- Carl Bard -


what happens when even the demons and the ghosts no longer come to visit and you find yourself in a complete and utter void?


There's no reason for you to be frustrated or bored; there are plenty of opportunities for you to spread your wings at this time.


struggling through the moment
living the minutes as they pass
no memories made


the date kind of significant, as the number three always is.
so sick, I couldn't even drive, couldn't walk, couldn't hold my head up even, so sick it scared me so bad to be alone.


I have sat here in the silence for hours and hours, the only relief to look forward to is the alarm sounding in the morning, and the task of working, where one may or may not have another person to speak to, and no one to care if you do or don't. Will someday ever come for me?


So many hopes and dreams, but will they be just that as they have always been, somewhere out there unreachable


If life as it was I would be thinking of the boys and the death of their mother, and how now I wonder if they will ever come to see me, with all of the lies their father has lived for so long.


I wonder at many things, where the future shall lead, and how the past will come to add barriers, regret or sorrow
I wonder how I can be more than I was today for the morrow
I wonder who shall bring the smile to my lips, bringing me laughter or some other small tip
I wonder why I have found no answer yet, Something so evasive to ever get


When the heart breaks
it takes the spirit and the soul
so that there is nothing but an empty shell

As the shattered pieces begin to heal
Such a tender, and painful healing
the scars remain, to always remind us,
to keep the memory alive

We build walls, thick and high
to shelter us, and to protect
We will never again share that part of us with another.
to feel as much as we did
We shelter ourselves from ever going through it again

And then when we think the wounds have healed
A song will play
A gentle reminder of what was
what could have been and what is
A sadness creeps over us like a dark cloud before the storm
tears come

15 years ago, my children lost their mother on this day, and I became their mom. My thoughts for this day were not of her but of someone I loved very much that is now gone, a scar upon my heart, but thinking upon it. The day Deanna died, was similar for my sons, it made them build the walls and to never allow the love they could have given to be given, because they were scared, are scared that something or someone will take it away, and shatter their heart again.


Greater is our terror of the unknown.
- Titus Livius -