VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
March 8

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 3:13 -

"Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson -


Have you ever wondered what happens when one no longer has dreams, goals, or even hopes? What does one do when all that there is, is another sunrise, and another sunset, and nothing else to fill the hours between. What happens when you no longer see the stars, or feel the wind, or the coldness of winter? What happens when the sun no longer blinds your view, and you fail to see the birds, or feel moisture of a warm rain? Does that mean you are all but truly dead?


Life is a roller-coaster. Try to eat a light lunch.
- David Schmaltz -


the day as it was

it began at 3 in the morning, a 2 and a half hour drive and then go go and go some more, the day was productive, the hours long and fatigue was nature of it's ending as was the ending of the following days to come. But alone in my hotel room, Wendy's taco salad for supper, my mind wandered back to another time when I ate taco salad, when I first felt alone with him, the water playing a tune in the background and a warm comfort surrounded me, where I let my guard down and let him into my heart, where I for once threw caution to the wind and allowed myself to love, to let it begin, to not run from it, to not hide from it, even then knowing that the days of today would come and he would no longer be in my life, I still allowed it to happen, wanted it to happen, and even though It has been more than a year almost two since I last saw his face, it is as clear today as it was then, his blue eyes, the truth in them, the feelings I felt then have not dulled with time, maybe they never will. Maybe that is the way it is supposed to be, for once you find a love as ours was, you never ever have the opportunity to ever find that again., nor do you want to, for it was pure, it was true, and it was so deep, anyhow it was, and is for me.


why do you come into my thoughts and haunt my memories so, is it to see the pain that still lays here? Is it to see the love I still carry in my heart and always will. Is it a way to control the ay it was always done? Why if the silence becomes so taunt that the thoughts seem to haunt.


Another weekend comes
Another day of loneliness
That was his wish for me
And I guess it shall always be
I sometimes wonder what I have done so wrong
That I continue to be punished through each day
and every lonely night


in the spring everything is green and new, it's too sad that come the months and the dust and the destruction of what is now


Within my mind I see so many things, at times they become confused, and I feel lost, but at other times, I'm certain of my direction, sure of who I am, and what life will bring.

I wish so many times that I could kill this thing called self doubt and uncertainty, but I know that is part of life. Just as dreams are a part of life.

With so much self reflection of late, I wonder if I have tried to over analyze my mind? Things have changed so much in my life the past couple of months, before what I knew to expect, no matter how bad seems almost better than this unknown feeling of my future.

All of my dreams of yesterday are gone, do I dare to dream new ones of tomorrow I ask myself? How do I learn who I am, and what my desires are? How do I learn to live again as if just being born? I long to remove the days past from my mind, but yet memories linger, and no matter how I fight to prevent them from influencing my actions of today they still do. I ask myself how does one rid themselves of twenty years of their life, and begin anew?

This is my thought to ponder this day.



Are they possessions we can feel and touch
or memories only we can hold and recall?

My Thought to Ponder this day


When will it end and where
Why don't I care

My world spins
There are no ends

Only revolutions
with no solutions

How long can I bend
Before it is the end


Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.
- Caesar Augustus -