VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
April 7

"Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days."
- Ecclesiastes 2:26 -

"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave."
- Mary Tyler Moore, Actress -


"No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD."
- Isaiah 54:17 -


"The nobler sort of man emphasizes the good qualities in others, and does not accentuate the bad. The inferior does."
- Confucius -


Has there ever been a day in your life when you reflect back and ask yourself what you could have done differently, to have had things be different than they are now, is this where regrets and triumphs. Has there ever been a day in your life that there is such a yearning to hear a voice, to see the light in the eyes, to smell that unique scent that is only one. Has there ever been a day where better judgment and desire war within you to the point that you almost give in?


--in retrospect, taken from my notes of the day-- today was the day I have waited for, I woke to freezing rain. Another excuse to not go forward, but I did. The trip was uneventful, and the miles seemed to drag outward. Somehow the crossover from West Virginia was on on me. I believe as I approached the mountains swallowed me. Through the tunnel and a new state emerged.

--The fog so dense that all but a sign reading North Carolina was the only ending to the state of Virginia. Although I spent an hour or so, there is no way to know or to be certain. It is as though I never passed through it.

--When I left the house it was freezing rain as I drove South East, the rain continued non stop in a light drizzle-after 900 miles of travel the windshield wipers never stopped.


Well a desire realized after so many years, of wanting my own domain, my own place on the web, it has come to pass and now my Vistas has it's own place here on the web. This makes me happy


The outcome of the war is in our hands; the outcome of words is in the council
. - Homer -


Today is the first day of the rest of my life. It is time I stop mourning something lost when I can not change it, repeat it nor even want it. I had to realize this., and now that I have it is time I move forward with my life and stop looking back. For months now I have been tearing myself apart, wondering what I did wrong, how I could have made things work, why I didn't try harder than I already was.

It wasn't me who decided to romance another. It wasn't me who lied, who betrayed the trust, the faith and the belief of ever after, no it was him. for reasons only known to him, and not ones I no longer care to think of. The biggest step I took today, was realizing even if he was to come begging, wanting me back as his wife, I would not want him. For I no longer have any respect for him, no trust, and no faith in him. To many lies, to much blame, and too much pain to ever want to chance it again with someone who has proven to me time and time again that they are not worthy of any of it. So with this thought I will close the book on that part of my life and move forward.

I know days will come that I shall miss him, or maybe not so much him but what we had in times where there was faith, trust and honesty. I will try to remember those days with fond memories, and make myself realize that is just what they are memories and no more than that. Just like the memory of kindergarten, or my first bicycle. Those days are over and I shall move forward . recall them with a smile, and not try to recall all the skinned up knees that stupid bicycle gave me.


The walls are closing in
Locking me inside of myself
scared to reach out
fear of the cold and uncaring
the lies

Locked within myself
A shelter built surrounding myself
a safe haven from the turmoil
the indescion


Oh the pain in my head is unbearable
I scream
the throbbing
I pray
the torture
I cry

Time to see the Doc.

Don't talk
Don't make me move
let me be
stop the pain


Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress.
- Mahatma Gandhi -