VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
June 5

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
- Mohandas Gandhi -


the word love no longer has the meaning it did or should, it is just as empty as all other words, even at times I have found as foul as the dirtiest of causes


"Seek ye the LORD, all ye meek of the earth, which have wrought his judgment; seek righteousness, seek meekness: it may be ye shall be hid in the day of the LORD'S anger."
- Zephaniah 2:3 -


"The more profoundly we study the Bible, and the more closely we observe its divine precepts, the better citizens we will become and the higher will be our destiny as a nation."
- President William McKinley -


whispers among the darkness
journeys from beyond
the here and now, the then and there,
to when and where?


when all in the world seems wrong
every little thing irritates,
when there is no music in the song
every word berates


When random thoughts turn life to turmoil
and the burdens of breathing becomes to much
I turn my eyes upward and remember my reason


Will he think of me
will he ever care
he destroyed my belief
my pride
and everything inside of me
my whole life
does he care?


Silence, steals the laughter and the sound
nowhere can it be found
Searching for just a whisper, not one around


I want to know what love feels like, that indescribable feeling everyone else tries to describe where the words are in the heart not the head, where the world revolves around only that one significant other. I want to know how it feels to need someone so much, that I would die without them there. I want to know love.

Some say that it is better left alone, that to love only causes pain. Even if the other loves you as much as you love them. The pain is still there, although it is a sweet pain. And in many cases love is only taken never returned. The turmoil it can cause can devastate.

Yes I want to know love, I mean really feel it, to where it consumes me. I don't care about the pain, I don't care about the hurt, I just want to feel it. Anything would be better than this empty numb feeling of loneliness. Even when surrounded by others I'm still alone. I've always been alone. Is it my destiny?

I sat at a friends funeral long ago, someone I thought I loved. My eyes were dry. As I noticed others around me crying, I wondered why I did not. For I was the one that loved him most. I was the one who had married him, not them. What was wrong with me, Didn't I love him after all?

I remember that day wondering who in my life would I cry over if they were gone forever, tears came to my eyes as I realized no one, for there was no one that meant that total, completeness to me that I would be lost without them. So I did cry at his funeral after all but it was for me, not my loss.

I sit here now with tears in my eyes, because now I realize I was wrong. I did need him, I do need him in my life. If it is only a memory of the times we shared. But I wonder is it the memory I hang onto, or is it him?

Why can't I find Love. Where is it? What is it? So many have it. I know I have a lot of love in me to give, but I can't seem to find it for myself. Will I always be empty inside?

I don't want to be empty anymore


No one should be judge in his own case.
- Publilius Syrus -