VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
June 27

When you worry about what you don't have, it is a waste of what you do have.

You already have everything you need to be the person you are.

Everything you've accomplished, all that you've experienced, all that you are right now, has come from what you already have.

Life is rich indeed, and it is already yours.

Focus on what you can do with it.

Seek out ways in which you can make a real, substantial difference. Rather than worrying about what you don't have, make the highest and best use of what you do have.

It has been enough to bring you this far. And the more you value what you have, the more useful it will be.

The only thing stopping you from making the most of your life, is you.

You already have what it takes.

There is a fortune inside of you, waiting to be mined. Put it to use today.

You can wake up rich tomorrow, and grow wealthier every day.
- Ralph Marston -

2006

Bajeca with a bag of Carmels
caramels I'm addicted to caramels
not good
I'm already fat

Oh yeah why does it matter then
Yummy more caramels for me now

I Luvs Caramels.
oowie, gooey, and chewie

2005

"Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ"
- Colossians 2:8 -

2004

"It is good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven't lost the things money can't buy."
- George Lorimer, 1867-1937, Editor "Saturday Evening Post" -

2003

I question if I have the energy it will take to be strong enough and wise enough and fair enough to do the job as well as the original predecessor, without harming or hurting any friendships along the way

2002

I saw the sky in eyes I adore
I listened to the voice I had missed
I felt the love I thought had gone
I remember now

2001

I just woke from a nap, in which the dreams woke me rather than an alarm clock or enough rest. The dreams in themselves not bad dreams, nothing gory or scary but so dang upsetting. I wished I could say they didn't upset me. I wished I could say I never have such dreams but I do from time to time. and I question why?

I don't think the whole three hours I slept I dreamed of this but just the last waking moments. I know I have spoken often of the demons not letting me sleep, but I have never really talked about what the demons are, and because of that misconceptions have been made. because I find it so hard to talk about possibly, or possibly that I don't want anyone to know that I still have dreams of the Jerk and the Punchboard. It is something I need to put behind me. It is something I want to put behind me and for the most part I do good with this, but yet like tonight they sneak in to laugh at me. To taunt me. To remind me that I'm a failure and will never be good enough to be loved, that I'm a throw away that had lost their purpose. That I was their joke for so long, before I realized and finally gave up.

It makes me scared to love again, to lose myself in someone so much that I become blind and allow them to hurt me in ways no one can see or seem to understand, to let my mind be destroyed with hatred, and pain. To freeze my heart from one hundred percent faith and trust. To always make me doubt my worth and my goodness in this world. To lock me in this prison of aloneness. To always feel as though I'm being laughed at and being joked about what a fool I was. To allow my belief in someone else shatter my self confidence to where I feel as though I am nothing. I know it is hard to understand, unless you have walked the same path as I.

I wished I could hate the man as strongly as I had loved him, I wished I could be as blind to the fact of his existence as I was to him being my only world. I wished the pain would leave me forever and stop haunting me in my dreams. I wished I could go forward with my life instead of being in this sort of nether land where there is no hope, no dreams, no promises of tomorrow. I wished the sadness and the pain would leave me. I wished I could learn to believe in myself again, to have a strong enough faith to once again to believe in love as I once did, or even a little bit as much as I once did. I wished I could believe enough to let go of the fear that no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I give, no matter what that it, isn't going to be taken from me.

When the things that happened last year happened it was as though I was murdered, my soul was taken from me and destroyed, my spirit had long before been crushed by his ways, but in the end he took my soul as well. Sometimes I feel as though I am the walking dead, going through the motions of life because my heart still beats and my mind still functions, I feel as though I am not here anymore and I wonder at times who I am, Maybe that is why I feel such a strong need to write the thoughts down. Maybe I feel if I can just let someone else know that I am still here somewhere lost inside of myself they will know that I am alive. They will understand the pain and will know how to fix it, to take it away.

but then again if I can't fix myself how in the world could anyone else begin to try?

Fatigue takes it's toll
a weariness claims thy soul

2000

I ask myself to touch my heart, to feel the pain and restart
I ask myself to remember the wonders, to not put me under
I ask myself where I shall I go, not allowing myself to roll with the flow.
I ask myself?

1999

Rain, dark and dreary
I am weary
Droplets on the window pane
Wonder if I'm still sane
darkness like night
I've lost my fight
Drizzle cold and forbidding
Who have I been kidding?
Rain, cold without end
I'm looking for a friend

1998

I whispered your name
I saw your face
We sat side by side
not touching but sharing a space

I looked upon your beauty
I saw past the pain
The music played softly
to some classical strain

I reached for your hand
I felt your skin
The warmth and comfort it brought
Showed me I could win

I held you close
I knew you were mine
The embrace was heaven
almost divine

I spoke my thoughts
I gave you my ear
We leaned closer
Just to be near

1997

Education has for its object the formation of character.
- Herbert Spencer -