VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
July 19

little mouse with a green ribbon and flowers, along with a yellow butterfly
Mouse drawn by B. J. Carper, from various tutorials.

"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
- Sir Winston Churchill -


the temp has been a bit cooler the past day or so, but it has been so ungodly humid. I'm a bit worried about Nelson tonight, she doesn't seem to be feeling well, I think it's the heat, but I do worry about her so, after all she's my only friend and I love hers so much, my life would be a total void without her to add to it.


"The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink, and somebody to love you."
- Brendan Behan -


I reached my hand outward, waiting for a touch
I placed in my palm my heart, was it too much?
I shed many tears, and never share these fears
I cry every night, for what was, what is, and what is right
I long for the hours we spent, I wonder where it went


not enough hours in the day, to many things to do and say, not enough money in the pay, tis life's solitary way


there are questions I ask myself a lot as of late, things that I wonder if there will come an answer to in time or never at all, in reflection of the past, the distant past and the recent as well. Has history repeated itself but only in a different color, I wonder if I should wait, hold back, be patient longer, I wonder where he has gone, was the last good-bye the final good-bye, and why as all that I have ever faced before why don't I know or understand the reason for them? Am I at fault, have I done wrong, have I been told and not paid attention. am I that easy to walk away from and to forget?


I feel so alone. I wonder sometimes if I have a voice, for it is rarely used, and if it were who would hear? Sometimes it is so hard to not have anyone in my life to speak words to, to not have anyone to listen to.

I try so hard to not let it bother me, to accept it and to go on, I try not to cry when I realize how alone I am, and how I have no life, and everyone else's seems to go on, while mine sits here in this silent space. I try to ignore the fact that there is no one here, that there is no one there , that there is no one for me.

I try not to question why I am so different from the rest, what is wrong with me that no one wants to share my company, what is my major flaw, I don't have claws, I look and I search but I still don't see what the others saw.


I'm so lonely tonight. it seems as though I exist only in my own mind, and that there is no one else to hear my voice, nor sense my sorrow. I feel as though I am on a shelf, watching the world go by. Seeing couples walking side by side, talking, laughing. Seeing little children run to their mothers, fathers, jabbering. Watching as a dog gets a pat from an elderly man. it seems as though everyone has someone but me.


the time is passing
sand slipping through my fingertips.
tears of pain and joy
rapture at being held for loves new toy
diversion of the mind
a sad and lonely tale
where only I can fail


Funny how life sometimes gives us things we really don't want to deal with, You know like a sore tooth or a death in the family. Sometimes it may not even be a known thing that we don't want to look at and examine. For the most part we all go through the world with blinders on. We hide from the truth of reality, and search to live in a fantasy, it is our way of surviving, of ignoring the pain and the stress of every day life, we all dream of something, it gives us a goal to work towards. For without goals what would be the use?

I have found many times in my life where I was satisfied with where I was or where I had been, but yet at the same time I was missing something, and that something was the vision of a new dream, something to work towards. Those were the darkest and emptiest days of my life, those were the days where I didn't care if the sun rose in the morning, or if I would live to see the stars that night. Was I happy oh yes blissfully so. Was I complete oh no, I was empty for I had nowhere to go


Turn your wounds into wisdom.
- Oprah Winfrey -