VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
October 13

The holy alphabet . ..

Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in thanksgiving
Do not begin to blame
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know
Imagine life without His love
J oy would cease to be
Keep thanking Him for all the things
Love imparts to thee
Move out of "Camp Complaining"
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Praise can do alone
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To "thank" is a command
Until we see Him coming
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
X alting God most high
Y es, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Z ion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!


Friday the 13th, the last day of Vacation, didn't do anything today, went to Butler, took Roy to the Lawyer, picked mom up at work and took her home, went to Angola to sign loan papers for Mat, came home, babysat for Donavon, went to Crystals, and Pizza Hut for supper with Chris and Crystal and the kids. Had to stay away from the house cause Mat was having a Fraternity thing going on, and I didn't want to know what it was for sure so I just stayed away for the evening..


"We are not what we know but what we are willing to learn."
– Mary Catherine Bateson -


the 13th, a number, just a number but I remember other 13's and the significance of them, guess I'll never forget.

it was a long day, my head has been pounding now for three, sis and I went to Ft. Wayne tonight to look for a wedding gift, it was funny we couldn't find anything, so will have to figure something out tomorrow. Mat hurt his neck at practice and I can tell he's in a lot of pain, he'll go see the trainer tomorrow.

nothing really happening in my life just the same old drill. and the same old longings to have something I once felt and know I never will again. It's funny I looked up my name tonight on this thingie, it pretty much fitted me to a T, so I wonder if most of my burdens in life are because of the name I was given at birth,

The name of Barbara has given you an appreciation for many beautiful and refined aspects of life--music and art, literature, drama--and the outdoors, where you find much peace and relaxation, but it creates a far too sensitive nature. You sense and feel much that you do not understand, and sometimes you are alarmed at your thoughts and wonder about their origin. You rarely experience the tranquility that comes with stability of thinking or emotional control. At times, you are very inspired, desiring to be with people and to entertain others as the "life of the party," while at other times you are aloof and choose to remove yourself entirely from association. You crave understanding and affection but your intensity of desire and your self-consciousness prevent you from finding the happiness you desire. You have suffered many disappointments and misunderstandings because of your inability to express your inner thoughts.


I used to be more expressive, able to place into words everything that went through me, not the things I saw, and not the things I did, but all the emotions that were me. In recent days, months or maybe years now. .I find that I am less able to do that, less able to feel the deepness of any emotion, rather it be good or bad, happy or sad. as though in the programming of my mind to survive I have lost a part of me that was me.


sometimes I wonder at the truth in words. When you can see the emotion in the eyes how does one understand it in the words. How do you feel what you cannot see or hear.


I want to hold you in my arms forever, look into your eyes knowing that what I see is the truth, is pure and is real. I want no self doubts within me, no hidden fears or condemnations, I want that forever, and I know that it will be never


when the next tear falls
and love no longer my heart calls
when life has taken all
and the realization of how small
when pride no longer stands tall
and I shall know that I have saw


Just Skipping today


When I find Love
what will it look like
will it come in pretty packages with ribbons and bows

When Love finds me
Will I know it is true
Will I treasure it as the gift it is or throw it away

When I find Love
how will I distinguish
from the past lies and hurts that haunt

When Love finds me
Will the sun shine again
and the moon hold a fascinating Glow

When I find Love
Will it be mine forever
to be there for ever more?

When Love finds me


It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
- Aeschylus -