VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
October 23

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting
life." - JOHN 3:16 -


It seems as though the headache I have may last forever, I hate when the weather changes, they seem to be worse then. It is cold here and sort of windy, rainy snowy. I hopt this is no indication on how winter will be this year.


"Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives."
- Sidney Madwed, Author -




I wish I could look inside, find the equation of why I am as I am and not as them who are. I suppose it's okay to be me, but yet I have desires, needs wants and I find there has to be more than what is currently right now in my life. The question is how do I find that


my life has no meaning to me, I have no control to move beyond the mechanical routine that I have established in my isolation. I live inside this computer. I eat without knowing I am eating. I only sleep when there is no more left in me to go on for another minute. I think back to the days past. I question and ask myself what I did wrong? why did I love and why wasn't that love returned, what did I do to make it go away, was I wrong to believe? Am I wrong to still think of the thoughts we shared. was there ever truth or was I just part of the game and the honesty I believed in, the truth I trusted to be real, was it? I wonder if there is another player in their game now. I wonder why I hurt when I knew it would never last, but yet hurt I do, so many tears, sometimes so crippling is the pain I never want to open my eyes again. I wonder if praying for death is okay, or is it another form of suicide.


When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody.
- W. S. Gilbert -


I seem to have found a happiness that I know is not mine to have, but yet it is here, and I want to hold on to it for as long as I can for when it leaves I am certain it devastate me to the point of maybe I will have the guts to finish things


Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind, things get confused, tangled and I'm not sure of what I'm thinking, or even why I'm thinking it. I wonder if this is a normal occurrence in everyday lives of others or if it's just another flaw with in myself.


When the mind refuses to create, despair and anguish penetrate.
When there are no words that are right, and you think long into the night
Recall onto thyself, many poems lay unread upon the shelf.
After years of being lost a stranger reads the cost
The mental anguish can clearly be distinguished
Then and only then do you know the words were not lost


If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
- W. Edwards Deming -