VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
December 24

Lil Dotkins Girl waving
Created 12.24.05
by B. J. Carper
From a Tutorial at
PSP Country School

"Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done."
- Sam Ewing -


Well all the gifts are wrapped or bagged, waiting for the trip to mom’s tomorrow. Son was home tonight which was nice, so often he isn’t here much. Rup Rup begged to go to G-ma’s so we went over for a bit and watched bull riding. the drive home sure was miserable as foggy as it is this evening. However the temp is good, and this is a good thing, I’m worried about what the heat bill will be for this month. Not much of anything else going on, but I would like to wish everyone reading this post a Merry Christmas and a Joyful New Year.


"Attempt easy tasks as if they were difficult, and difficult as if they were easy; in the one case that confidence may not fall asleep, in the other that it may not be dismayed."
– Baltasar Gracián y Morales -


Christmas eve, spent like so many of the last, working, sleeping and hiding from the world, with lots of reflection, memories and emotions rolling around inside this head of mine. Lots of questions, lots of regrets and a wee bit of hope that someday somewhere out there I will find my place in this world and receive my reward.

Over and over I ask myself why can I not make friends? and Why can I not be loved, I wonder what I am doing wrong and how to change who I am so that I can just fit in.


the day went fast at work but yet it was pure chaos in the store. I wonder how I will ever get my department recovered in time before the district manager does his after Christmas walk. It's important that I do get it done though or the extra raise won't be coming.


Just not feeling so hot today


My first Christmas Eve alone


I wanted you to make love to me tonight
but I found the bed cold and chilled
Do you still love me? Maybe her bed is warmer
Is it over or just a passing phase?


Where are they tonight
not here

Grown with lives of their own
Why didn't I prepare for them to grow up

I miss my little boys
and the begging to open just one

I miss the smiles and the Christmas cooking
I made the mistake of wrapping my life up in them


Christmas eve
It's suppose to be a happy time
Gosh I wished I could find the joy of years past

I miss my kids being home
I miss the friends I have lost
I miss the tree

I want so many things
but none of them can be bought
Why I wonder are the most precious of gifts so often lost

With the end of the year so near, I reflect
what good have I done
What pain have I caused