VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
February 21

hope chest with choo choo sitting on top
Mouse drawn by B. J. Carper
Choo Choo from a Tutorial at
Vanilla Fields


when in sleep the journey takes you to that place of tranquil peace you never want to open your eyes but yet the day intrudes and you must and away everything is taken, never to be seen again in the vision of the dreams. Love seems to be as elusive.


When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one, which has been opened for us.


I should move from this computer
I should learn what life is outside this box
I should try harder at finding my happiness
I should do more
but yet I find I have no will nor desire to do so.
is it fear, or is it more, is it that I cannot forget
the beauty and the pureness of a love that I once held
a love I hold still in my heart for the one who knows I do.


I went with the girls as an escape from the prison of my home, I did not feel that i belonged, too old and too tired. I listened to them laugh and joke but yet I sat on the outside. I feel like the square peg that doesn't fit in the round hole.

things I learned however, that if they wouldn't have turned their back on me I would be a grandma. That even the sinner can play the preacher, and preach righteousness without a consciousness of their lifestyle or actions.


I find that I watch my words these day, more so than ever, but it is it fear that prevents me from expressing freely what I really am feeling, or is it what I tell myself, a way of not hurting anyone, who may take my words wrongly and then judge me as the enemy or rival when that is not what I wish to be.

I have such longing in me, but no one sees this, no one knows how I long to be loved by someone special, not just anyone, but someone who can understand me as I am, and won't try to change that part of me, nor judge it.

I know to find love, one must look, but I fear I have no knowledge of looking, I have been so isolated, so locked away that venturing forward terrifies me to my very core. but which is worse I ask myself, the fear of what is out there or the fear of always being here with only me?


In war there is no substitute for victory. - General Douglas MacArthur


I feel as though I have died, I try to move forward but I am so lost I don't know how, for so many years I did as he chose, never acting on my own, not because I had to but because I wanted to. Why don't he understand, why didn't he understand how much I loved him, how much he was my life, did I fail that miserably in showing it, am I not capable of making someone understand how my hurt aches to be a part of theirs. or was it him?


The web lays in wait
Who shall fall victim first
The queen or her drones

Shall they put up a bitter battle
failing to give up in defeat
all the time knowing they have been beat

Revenge can be so sweet


Little Angels
growing up, breaking first their daddy's heart

Little Angels
growing up, breaking then some young man's heart

Little Angels
growing up.


Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that!
- Dr. Mike Stratford -