VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
July 28

Red Snicker Beetle
Mouse drawn by B. J. Carper
from tutorials at
Vanilla Fields
I am a child again;
joy holds me fast.
- Lizette Woodworth Reese -


Sometimes a person has to throw caution to the wind and say exactly what is on thier mind, somehow I find that very difficult at times, especailly when I need to say the most. It seems as though I always must weigh my words, measure the cost of speaking them, the price of having thoughts and feelings such as I do. I know that you walk my thoughts looking for the words, but what words are you looking for, do you want the acknowledgement that I still believe, I do, but not as much as I once did, for I know I must be realistic, and the truth is I am here and you are there and too many days have passed between to ever make up the ground we have traveled on our own paths of life, but yet the bridge was never burnt, and for this I have to wonder why?


"My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."
- Proverbs 3:11 -


it's hard to believe a year has passed this fast, the tombstone is beautiful, and the butterflies a site to see.


there appears to be a cloud
a cloud of sadness
a different type than the others
one of death
and possibly the sign of what the future holds
as rationalization and reality come home
Rest in Peace My dear sweet Aunt.


Another week is about to begin, again nothing but silence, thoughts fill my mind of days we had spent, of times we had laughed at times we had cried, I can not believe that knowing you knowing me that there is nothing more than this?


the heart beats
it feels
it wants
it needs
it longs
it weeps
it beats and goes on


deep within the soul lays the answer and the gift


In Retrospect

Over the next few days you will see something that has only happened one other time since My Thoughts have been here, and that is the posting of my Thoughts in retrospect, and not written on the actual day they occurred.

The morning dawned early, the long drive seemed short, the waiting in the waiting room seemed eternal, and then the door opened, and my name was called. Fear left me seated a moment longer than normal.

I stood and through the doors I walked, knowing that when I passed through those doors again it would be in a wheelchair. the minutes seemed to both stop and speed by at the same time. A few pep talks then the operating room. A warning of a burning in my arm and then hours later the fuzzy feeling of waking up but not being able too.

The burning pain in my stomach, and a throbbing in my head, behind the eyes. I remember being happy though even though I remember little else for a few more hours, just a foggy recollection.


When I'm lonely
I write words that comfort
When I'm sad and blue
I write words that cleanse my mind
When I'm scared
I write words that expose the demons
When I'm lost
I write words that give me guidance
When I'm happy
I write words that reflect my joy
When I'm confused
I write words that help me see the light
When I'm tired
is when I write the best words of all


Never confuse movement with action.
- Ernest Hemingway -